were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
be right there i have to get my cape
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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