You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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