Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
