Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
