I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
