all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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