How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
