sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize