Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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