You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize