Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
