I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize