he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They have beer where we have blood.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
