That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
