this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
