he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
