There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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