help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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