Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize