I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
