He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
