How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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