I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
