I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My breasts were aching with rage.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
