Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize