The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
