she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
