living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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