I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
