i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
