I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Small penises have feelings too.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
