I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
