Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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