she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
