This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I need to wash the frat house off of me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
