I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
