so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
