Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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