Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
