my soul wont recognize me after tonight
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize