Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
