Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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