So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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