i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
