hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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