There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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