she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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