My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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