Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
