i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
