He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
