its not stalking. its research.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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