it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
