I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
