Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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