What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
