Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
