hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
