I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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