apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
