Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
