I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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