I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
