I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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