i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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