she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
