I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
