Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
