Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
