dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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