I can tuck mytits in my pants
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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