Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
