Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
