where am i from again
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I had to cum in my sink.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize