Will you blow on my dice?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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