I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
