what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
