I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
