i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
