I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
