Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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