I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
