I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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