why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
