i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We're too hungover to prance.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize