DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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