Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I would fuck him just for his dog
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
