I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize