I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
