New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
