lets start a swedish sibling band together
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize