Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
