so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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