took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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