She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my shit smells like andre
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
